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Party jokes

 What is the difference between England and America, about the way of speaking at the restaurant ?
In England, you ask for the bill and you pay with a check and in the United States, you ask for the check and you pay with a bill

 A fifty nine year old man began to dress after his physical. "Doc" he asked "Do you think I will live another forty one years so that I can reach one hundred ?"
"Do you smoke ?" the physician asked.
"No" the patient replied.
"Do you drink ?"
"No"
"Do you fool around with women ?"
"Of course not"
"Well then" the doctor mused. "Why the Hell would you want to live another forty one years ?"

 What's the difference between women at ages of 8 , 18 , 28, 38 and 48???
>08-You take her to bed and tell her a story.
>18-You tell her a story and take her to bed.
>28-You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed....
>38-She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
>48-You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

 A blonde goes out for a run. She comes to a river and cannot see a bridge anywhere nearby. She spots another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo doll!" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?". The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You're already on the other side!".
Aphorisms

"The day the dollar dies things will be better"
Mick Jagger & the rolling stones (1979)


"Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say"
William Shakespeare (King Lear / 1899)


"Happiness is helping others"


"Love and sex don't necessary go together"
Daphna Kastner (Spanish Fly / 1999)


"The will to win means nothing if you haven't the will to prepare"
Juma Ikangaa (When he won the New York City Marathon in 1989)


"Never tell the real reason you did something unless if it is useful to do so"


"Athletic supporters are jocks too!"
Nike USA


"Don't let the past remind you of what you're not now!"
Crosby, Still and Nash (Early Seventies)
 
 
 
 
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